The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers announced hundreds of possible new top-level domain names last week, which is great because clearly we need more unqualified successes along the lines of .mobi, .xxx and .travel.
The wave of new possible new web addresses has nothing to do, ICANN assures us, with pocketing millions of dollars from hopeful registrants. Thus, it looks like we're going to have to deal with a whole host of D-string TLDs. Here's a look at some of the domain names applied for, along with my thoughts.
.app
This is the most popular request, with 13 corporations fighting over these three letters like Irish setters with an English muffin. I say we pull a Solomon and divide it into ".a" and ".pp."
.cool
This could actually be handy. Just as .xxx theoretically tells us a domain is X-rated, we can rest assured that any domain ending in .cool is in absolutely no way cool.
.baby
I'll be first in line to register iceice.baby, ineedsomehotstuff.baby, and the classic allthatshewantsisanother.baby.
.bible
This is a wonderful idea. We can make every wholesome, family-friendly, deeply moral site register under .bible and leave the rest of the web to lascivious degeneracy like God intended.
.boo
I'm not sure what about ".boo" merits an investment of hundreds of thousands of dollars. My three guesses: One, they're counting on people who try to type .book but are very, very lazy. Two, someone's working on a network of sites for the mildly startled. Three, Betty Boo still has a lot of royalty money left over from "Doin' the Do."
.cancerresearch
Look, I'm all in favor of cancer research, as long as it doesn't take money away from researching new Doritos flavors. But if I had donated, oh, say $185,000 to the Australian Cancer Research Foundation, I'd be a little upset that they spent it on a domain name that nobody will ever, ever type into an address bar.
.catholic
See, now the pope is going to have to register pope.bible and pope.catholic. And, I very much hope, pope.boo.
.jaguar
Yes, this will be owned by the car company, but out of the goodness of their hearts and in the spirit of charity, I hope they open it to registration by actual jaguars.
.ketchup
I don't know how the web even survived, much less grew to become a massive ubiquitous information network, without domain names ending in ".ketchup."
.lol
Another top-level domain you can safely add to the permanent block file.
.meme
And another! Can we go for the hat trick?
.ninja
Done and done!
.ooo
There are all sorts of reasons this domain could be requested, but I'm hoping it's because someone didn't want .xxx to win all the tic-tac-toe games.
.online
As opposed to all those offline internet sites? Is someone going to register .postcard?
.now
Six different companies want .now, including Amazon and Google. Apparently a lot of people think now is the future, but in my opinion now is so last week.
.persiangulf
Presumably this is for websites that you visit for a trumped-up reason, then refuse to leave for more than a decade because it might make you look like an idiot for going there in the first place.
.poker
Dibs on liquor.poker, that's all I'm sayin'.
.rip
It is possible that this TLD is being registered for the purpose of used clothing or music-transfer software sites, but I'm guessing that the three companies maneuvering for the name are thinking more along a "rest in peace" business model, which is eight kinds of creepstyle.
.rodeo
Oh, yeah, someone's preparing for the inevitable vertical cross-synergy between worldwide electronic communications systems and guys who hassle cows for a living.
.secure
Freaking great. I can't wait to explain to various family members that, no, just because it ends in ".secure" doesn't mean it's actually secure. May as well name this one ".makingphishersliveseasier."
.sex
There are a bunch of requests for naughty TLDs, including .sex, .adult, .porn, .stroke, .hot, .wang and .tjmaxx. Maybe we'll finally get some webpages with pictures of naked people having sex.
.soy
At long last, vegans can easily visit certified meat- and dairy-free websites. I wouldn't even know how to make a website without 6 pounds of ground sirloin, but to each their own.
.sucks
Three companies want this. It says something about our society that there's no call for ".isnotperfectbutreallytrieshard."
.symantec
"Warning: This top-level domain name may contain a virus. Please pay us 50 bucks so we can scan it and tell you that it doesn't."
.today
Perfect for websites caught in an infinite time loop until they win the love of Andie MacDowell.
.unicorn
Awwwww yesssss. That's it, .com, your reign is over. I am moving every one of my sites over to .unicorn. Unless someone creates .manticore.
- - -
Born helpless, naked and unable to provide for himself, Lore Sjöberg overcame these handicaps to become a registrar, a commissar and a pulsar.
