Apple has done something slightly annoying, so please pick up your pitchforks and torches, it’s time to storm the castle.
Writing for The Wall Street Journal, Tripp Mickle tells us how “iPhone Users Are Pestered to Enroll in Apple Pay.”
How? Texts? Emails? Driving slowly by their houses late at night with the window rolled down and Roy Orbison playing on the stereo?
Apple Inc. is nagging iPhone users to enroll in its mobile-payment service with a persistent red circle badge.
Ah, the Scarlet Badge of Shame! Rest assured, dear reader, that before this article is done, there will be discussion of antitrust remedies. Oh, yes, there will!
Though payment analysts say the service speeds up checkout times and is more secure than traditional cards…
They say these things, but who can really know? Well, let’s see who The Wall Street Journal thought to turn to.
Many remain skeptical that it is more secure, including Jack Frederick, a 29-year-old professional comedian from Queens, N.Y., who prefers using his credit card directly.
Somewhere Tom Nichols suddenly felt sad though he did not know why.
Yes, indeed, who are you going to believe on transaction security? So-called “payment analysts” or this guy?
“This is the most aggressive they’ve ever been,” said Mr. Frederick, who has had a red badge over his iPhone settings since updating his software in mid-January. He said the notification has made him consider trading his iPhone 6 for a Google Pixel. “All that from one dot,” he said.
Also, and I mean this in all seriousness, what is the deal with airline food? Seriously.
But comedians aren’t the only people The Journal turned to. It also turned to people who just knee-jerk naysay anything Apple does.
“Everyone is doing essentially the same trick,” said Roger Kay, an analyst with Endpoint Technologies Associates.
Endpoint Technologies Associates is Kay’s own firm which, from the looks of it, has one employee: Roger Kay.
“It’s really antitrust behavior.”
It’s really not. Apparently, Rob Enderle wasn’t available because he got his head stuck in a jar of honey so they had to go with Roger Kay, a man who was literally paid by Microsoft to pretend that buying Apple products isn’t cost effective.
Apple declined to comment on potential antitrust concerns. The Justice Department didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment.
The Pope was unavailable to discuss the chances that all Apple employees would be condemned to Hell because of this red dot.
But, this really does seem kind of slimy of Apple that the dot cannot be removed and…
What’s that?
Oh, the Macalope is being informed of late-breaking news from Rene Ritchie that not only is there a way to remove it, there are two ways to remove it.
- On setup, tap Set up Later in Wallet.
- Or, later, tap the circle, tap finish, tap cancel.
The burgers. They make them from almost nothing these days.
The article, of course, mentions no ways to remove the dot, leaving the impression that you can’t remove the dot and your only remedy is calling on the Department of Justice to break up Apple because of its 17 percent market share monopoly.
Is the red dot a little annoying and could Apple do a better job of explaining how to get rid of it if you really don’t want to set up a more convenient and safer way to pay? Sure. Should you, however, be taking transaction security advice from a comedian or listen to Roger Kay about anything related to Apple? No. Really, no.