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Kevin Hasn't Removed His Apple iPhone X From The Box Yet

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Kevin Raposo

The Apple iPhone X, released on November 3rd, quickly became the hottest tech item of the season. Thousands of deeply analytical articles have been written about the phone, from reviews to predictive pieces about how Samsung will beat the iPhone X. There is no doubt that the iPhone X is the thing to own. Yet, there is a disturbance in the Apple ecosystem. Somewhere, there is someone who is laughing in the face of the Apple overlords, letting dust settle on the gilded container of his $1000 phone.

Kevin hasn't opened his iPhone X.

The creator of the short-form tech review blog KnowTechie (and full-time PR honk for EZPR), Kevin Raposo, is a hardcore tech toucher. When it comes to consumer technology, we share a love of headphones, vapes and cell phones. While I generally take a sardonic approach to Apple products, Knowtechie tends to take a more positive approach. However, when it comes to the unboxing of tech products — we appear to differ on the level of eagerness to tear into that satin coated cardboard.

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Sure, his pre-order was late when he entered in a new payment method, so he had to wait an additional 3-4 weeks, but that's no excuse. The Apple ecosystem relies on its hardcore fan base to maintain its status as the most exclusive ecosystem. It cannot have unboxed iPhone X's just sitting around on the kitchen table waiting for the end of the day, or after dinner. What is for dinner Kevin? Is it self-loathing? Because from here, not willing to quickly ferret the smooth iPhone X glass into your abnormally soft palm seems like it comes from a deep pain that you cannot reconcile.

Perhaps Kevin is watching the the new iPhone X ads that highlight Face ID in the dark and Animoji karaoke, pumping up the hype in his head, so he can optimize the user experience as soon as the phone is powered on. Perhaps he's nervous about the recent iOS 11.1.2 update, afraid that his phone will literally exit the box nothing more than a shiny brick.

Or maybe he's just not mentally prepared for the awesomeness of the iPhone that will change the entire direction of the Apple mobile product line.

"I have to many things to do today instead of tinkering around with a phone that I know is going to take me a good little while to get adjusted to. If I opened up it now, my whole work day would be gone," Kevin tells me in-between quiet sobbing. "I'll end up opening up the box when I'm done with my work today, because hey, this kid has to pay the bills, especially when I'm buying $1K phones."

The hard truth is that Apple released the iPhone X at the right time, to the right fanfare for the purpose of shifting the entire mobile phone market to its whims. The anticipation for the next iteration of the iPhone is already palpable. This falls apart when Kevin hesitates to open the box. There will be no unboxing video, there will be no fevered tearing of cardboard. There is nothing but an apathetic shrug as he placed the box on the patterned table cloth and walked away. This is not what the clapping crowds of technologists at the last Apple keynote would expect from an Apple customer.

Or perhaps there is something deeper going on with Kevin.

“I believe Kevin to be of sound mind and body, and can say that we were awake, and ordered our iPhone Xs at the same time," Kevin's employer and mentor Ed Zitron tells me. "As I am the superior technologist and brain genius, however, mine arrived on November the 3rd."

Zitron believes that perhaps Kevin is facing down the inherent fears that seem to accompany new technology, especially as companies like Google and Apple continue to unabashedly collect more of our personal data, sometimes under the guise of security. "I believe that Kevin likely did not open his phone yet out of fear that FaceID may capture his soul," continues Zitron. "Or he is deeply religious and thus stands by the biblical commandment 'thou shalt not make unto thyself a graven image.' Perhaps FaceID is sacrilege? I do not know."

Regardless, until Kevin opens that iPhone X, Apple should be wary of its future in the mobile phone market. The expectation is unadulterated excitement, not whatever this is.

UPDATE: After eating some birthday cake, playing a few hours of Rocket League and then finishing the cake, Kevin finally opened his iPhone X.

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